The book, Desperate, was everything I’d hoped for and more! I don’t know why, but it is so encouraging to me to read about others going through the same experiences that I have. It immediately bonded me to Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson to hear their experiences with motherhood. It helps that they are both gifted writers, and I would probably enjoy any subject they chose to write about, but this is especially close to my heart as it is where I am now.
I am in the midst of raising children. My youngest is still a baby. I don’t get uninterrupted sleep at night. I can be a mess most days trying to deal with everything the kids throw at me. I need to rely more on my relationship with Christ during this time in my life. I am stubborn though, so I try to be supermom on my own most of the time…
The book reminded me to show my kids grace. Ask them for forgiveness when I lose it. I have found parenting to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Some days I feel like a shell of a person, I don’t even recognize the person I have become since it is so far from the person I was. I appreciate Sally sharing that we need to bring ourselves, our individuality, into our roles as mothers. I often overlook the things that used to delight me because I feel I should just soldier on and accomplish the bare minimum needed to keep our family afloat. I struggle with feelings of failure because I don’t enjoy doing housework, and I am not good at it. My husband is very organized and neat, and I feel like he is silently criticizing me for my shortcomings (please understand, he isn’t, this is just what goes on in my head). I loved reading about Sally’s time in Austria and how she overcame her feelings of loneliness by visiting a fancy hotel and getting a cup of coffee there while her little girl was mesmerized by the change of scenery. I relate so much to both Sally and Sarah Mae’s experiences. I loved this quote by Sally Clarkson (taken from Desperate page 86):
One of the marks of a godly woman is that she takes responsibility for her soul’s need for joy and delight.
There was some point in my life when I accepted that no one else in my life was going to take responsibility for me, and if I didn’t take care of myself, my soul would die a slow death by exhaustion, boredom, loneliness and mediocrity.
I’ve been trying to make little changes in my behavior to help change my outlook. I love music, and I don’t know why I forget to listen to it! When I’m cleaning up the kitchen, music is what gets me through! Also, I love doing crafts, and I need to allow time for that and include my kids some of the time too. I felt as though I had to give up so many of my own interests to be a mother instead of finding an outlet for them in my current situation.
I always thought I would be the mother who loved flitting around the house tending to the kids’ every need and tidying up every little mess with a smile on her face (like Sarah Mae also admitted). I was sure I’d do my hair and makeup each morning and be ready to start the day. Let’s just say, that’s not the mom I ended up being… I really enjoyed my job outside the home, and giving that up to stay home with my babies was hard. I know I made the right decision, of course, but I questioned the kind of mother I was as I mourned the death of my old life. I now realize that women are different. God has made each one of us unique, and I have to stop trying to fit into a mold that I think is right.
Anyway, I am reading Desperate again because I loved it so much. I’m sure there are many more helpful ideas I took away from this book, but right now my brain is mush. Go read this book!!